Stop Dating The Potential: When We Fall In Love With Who Someone Could Become

@Stop Dating The Potential: When We Fall In Love With Who Someone Could Become

There is a dangerous kind of love that does not fall in love with who someone is, but with who we hope they will become. We see the potential, the dreams, the promises and the occasional glimpse of greatness, and we build an entire relationship around a future that has not yet arrived. We excuse the dishonesty because “he will change.” We tolerate irresponsibility because “she will mature.” We remain in unhealthy situations because we are convinced that our love will eventually transform someone who has shown little willingness to transform themselves.

There is nothing wrong with believing in people. In fact, one of the beautiful things about genuine relationships is the ability to see possibilities in one another and encourage growth. The danger begins when potential becomes an excuse for present reality. A person can have enormous potential and still be completely unprepared for the relationship we want. Someone can be intelligent but irresponsible, charming but dishonest, ambitious but emotionally immature. Potential is possibility; character is evidence.

We must learn the difference between loving someone through their journey and volunteering to become the manager of their transformation. We can encourage growth, pray for change, support dreams and stand beside someone who is genuinely working on themselves. We cannot, however, do the work of maturity for another person. You cannot build a healthy future with someone who keeps asking you to tolerate an unhealthy present.

Young people must stop confusing patience with endless postponement. There comes a point when “give it time” becomes “ignore the evidence.” A relationship should not require us to abandon our values, silence our instincts or continuously explain away behaviour that repeatedly wounds us. Never marry a promise while ignoring a pattern. What someone consistently does today often tells us more about tomorrow than what they occasionally promise.

Love deserves hope, but it also deserves wisdom. Let us love people for who they are, encourage them toward who they can become, and give ourselves permission to walk away when the distance between promise and character becomes too wide. Fall in love with character, not merely potential; because potential may inspire a future, but character is what sustains a relationship.

Yours in fulfilment,

@Otunba Dr Femi Abiola, MCE

@President

@Project Youth Fulfil

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