Not Every Relationship Deserves Your Loyalty

@Not Every Relationship Deserves Your Loyalty


Loyalty is beautiful, until it becomes self-abandonment. There are relationships we keep defending long after they have stopped defending our dignity. We keep calling it patience when it is actually prolonged pain; commitment when it is actually fear; forgiveness when it is actually permission for the same wound to be inflicted again. A relationship should demand sacrifice, yes, but it should never demand the destruction of the person making the sacrifice.


Not every relationship deserves our loyalty. Some deserve an honest conversation. Some deserve a second chance. Some deserve boundaries. Some deserve distance. A few deserve an ending. Staying simply because we have stayed for so long is not wisdom. History is not a life sentence. The years invested in a relationship do not automatically make the relationship worthy of the years still ahead. Sometimes the most courageous act of love is refusing to continue participating in what repeatedly diminishes everyone involved.


We must learn the difference between loyalty and self-betrayal. Loyalty says, “I will stand with you through difficulty.” Self-betrayal says, “I will keep losing myself so you never have to change.” Loyalty can survive disagreement, imperfection and difficult seasons. It cannot be used as a permanent shelter for disrespect, manipulation, betrayal, abuse or persistent one-sidedness. Love may call us to endure hardship; wisdom must still teach us when endurance has become bondage.


The people we love deserve our loyalty, but we also owe something to ourselves: the courage to walk away from relationships that require us to become smaller just to keep them alive. We cannot spend our entire lives proving that we can endure what we were never meant to endure. Sometimes fulfilment begins when we stop asking, “How long can I remain loyal?” and finally ask, “Is this relationship still worthy of the person I am becoming?”


Yours in fulfilment,


@Otunba Dr Femi Abiola, MCE

@President

@Project Youth Fulfil


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